Sponge bath it is.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
