so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
