I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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