we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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