you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
two words: eviction party
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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