it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Everyone says I win the strip club
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
