I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
