Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
