Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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