She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
