Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
