this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
