is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
