I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Is Oprah even human
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
