ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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