imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
