I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
