we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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