Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You were trust falling into bushes
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
