i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
