I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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