I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
