I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
