My friends, they love my intelligence
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We got so high we made milksteak
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
