I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
