I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
