My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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