we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Randomize
