you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
