Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
two words...techno handjob
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
