Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I wish there were birth control emojis
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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