Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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