woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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