you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
