If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
