after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
