i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
