Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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