he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
