yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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