I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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