Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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