textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Congratulations! We have a period
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