dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
