at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
