I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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