I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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