honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
