i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
