Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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